I’m in the best shape of my life.
Last year, there were times when my wrist hurt. Some days, my fingers were stiff. Frankly, from about July on, it was painful to type.
So this winter, I dedicated myself to getting fit. I bought one of those hand-grip things to build strength in my wrists and I ve been lifting tiny little weights with my fingers.
I m eating better, too. I hired a nutritionist. Did you know that french fries, fried motzerella sticks, buffalo wings and beer are bad for you? I thought it was fuel for blogging. Turns out it was just fuel for getting fat. I ve completely overhauled my diet. Instead of eating that stuff every day, I cut it back to five days a week. Hey, cold turkey is a bitch.
Last year, I blogged at 180. This year, I m going to blog at 165. I figure that by carrying less weight, I ll be a little faster at the keyboard. Maybe my words per minute will go up. Last year, I was at about 65 WPM. Although I don t pay attention to stats like that. I leave that to the geeks.
I m also getting plenty of sleep. Building up my reserves so I can stay up late to catch the pivotal A s-Royals tilts on the West Coast. I can t lie Last year there were times I ran out of gas by the fifth inning. This year I m going to make sure I can go the full nine.
When I broke in five years ago, I had no idea the level of commitment this took. As I moved up the ranks, it was all so easy high school english, freshman comp in college but now I m a veteran and I know what I need to do to stay healthy and inspired for a full season. This year is gonna be huge.
Let s blog.
So, Sluggerrr pegged a fan in the eye with a hot dog and the fan is suing? Obviously, there are just a ton of jokes to make about this and since it s the Royals, it s even more hilarious. If it s not players shooting reporters, it s the mascot gunning down fans.
Let s step back a moment and imagine how this could have occurred at other ballparks:
— If it happened at a Yankee game, the problem would just magically go away. No one would hear from the plaintiff ever again.
— If it happened at a Met game, Omar Minaya would sign the mascot, slot him into the rotation in place of Oliver Perez and declare himself the winner of The Contest.
— If it happened at a Brewer game, the item of assault would have been a bratwurst.
— If it happened at a Phillies game, the rest of the crowd would have extracted their revenge on the mascot. Then, their thirst for violence only partially quenched, they would have turned on the injured fan.
— If it happened at a Dodger game, no one would have cared because Dodger Dogs are the best and it s an honor to get maimed by one.
— If it happened at a Red Sox game, John Henry would invite the injured person to be his guest in his private suite at Fenway for a playoff game, Theo would show him the company spreadsheets used to evaluate players and Terry Francona would let him be an honorary captain for a three game series against the Yankees.
— If it happened at a Giants game, the fan would have been struck by sushi.
— If it happened at a Marlins game, the hot dog would have landed in an empty seat.
— If it happened at a Cardinal game, Tony LaRussa would have logged a protest with PETA on behalf of the fan for getting hit with a meat product.
— If it happened at a Rays game, it would have hit a Yankee or Red Sox fan.
— If it happened at a White Sox game, Ozzie Guillen would have called everyone involved wimps and then would have demonstrated the proper hot dog throwing technique while aiming at Kenny Williams. Yeesssssssss.
In all wiener seriousness, this sucks for the guy who got injured. No one expects to go to a Royals game and get pegged in the face by a flying hot dog courtesy of some goof in a lion costume. If you think about it, it s surprising a serious accident hasn t happened with that compressed air launcher they normally just to turn food into missiles.
I hope the Royals do the right thing and help the guy out. Although since this has landed in court, I wonder if we re past the point where the Royals would do anything on their own.
Some random notes while I m still in the best blogging shape of my life.
-If you re not on Twitter, you re missing some great Royals Authority tweets. However, I m now prepared to announce that Ozzie Guillen on Twitter is the best thing to ever happen on the internet. Yeeessssssss.
-Greg Schaum launched his new website last week, Royals Prospects. If there s someone who knows more than Greg about the Royals minor league system Let s just say no one knows more about the Royals minor league system than Greg. He s already got just a ton of content. Do yourself a favor and bookmark it.
-We’ll have a couple of really cool announcements coming soon about the direction we hope to take Royals Authority for the upcoming season. Really cool announcements. Stuff where everyone wins. Stay tuned…