Dear God,

I’m not sure You exist, but if You do I have little doubt that You spend some of Your time reading Royals blogs. My primary question for you is as follows:

Seriously, what the hell?!

I ask it in all due respect, considering You are possibly the most powerful being in the universe other than the Koch brothers. What is it that us Royals fans did to make You so mad? No playoffs since 1985. Kyle Snyder. Injuries to Jose Rosado, Salvador Perez and now Joakim Soria. It’s all too much to be mere coincidence, the only logical conclusion is that You are somehow involved.

Soria is a fan favorite, a guy who has provided a large portion of the Royals enjoyable moments these past few years. He was someone we could be proud of and he was proud to be a Royal. Now, as things are coming together his arm in injured again. Did You smote his arm in vengeance? Why? Is it something we did?

I know there are a number of potential reasons that the Royals and their fans are not on your good list. Yes, the Royals hired Rush Limbaugh, but how could they have known who he’d become? Jose Offerman just kind of seemed like an odd-duck and he put up 5.0 fWAR in 1998. Did you hate the Jermaine Dye for Neifi Perez trade too? Look, that was the old regime and none of us supported it, we’ve all learned to let it go.

You can’t be that mad, right? You let the Yankees win all the time and they have no souls. If anybody needed a smiting, it’s them! I know that Mr. K would do anything to win, but I just am not ready to believe that he sold the team to the devil for a championship in 1985. Sure they weren’t the best team that season, but they won when it counted. Sure there was the whole Denkinger…..wait, that’s it, isn’t it?

You stepped in during Game 6. It was YOU who made Denkinger call safe. You were rooting for the Royals, weren’t You? Look, I get it. Being God is a heavy business, what with all the deaths and prayers and what not. Sometimes an all-powerful creator needs to sit back and watch a baseball game. Clearly no being as caring and thoughtful as you would root for the Cardinals so you gravitated towards the upstart ballclub from Kansas City. Things seemed like they might not be going well for Your team so you slipped in a safe call. Who can blame you? Heck, imagine if the Royals had lost. We’ve read the bible, you have a pretty nasty streak in you. Nobody needed to see that again. Brimstone free since 500 B.C. right?

The Royals win, You’re happy. Then you feel a little bad for usurping that whole free will thing. But it was just one call, and it didn’t even really matter anyway. If Jorge Orta was out, the Royals would still win. Don’t be so hard on Yourself. We all make mistakes.

I think 26 years without being in the post season, the Ross Gload era and two different Yuniesky Betancourt stints is enough. You’ve pretty clearly handed the Cardinals a couple of World Championships and given them Pujols too. Can we just draw the line at this Soria injury and consider it all even? You seem to have lost some of your anger anyways, I mean if you were really mad you would’ve smoted Greg Holland’s arm (please don’t do that). The Royals bullpen is still strong and can overcome this injury, and maybe with another surgery we can have Soria back in a year or so.

Look, we’ve been wandering in this desert long enough. Our trial surely must be finished. We don’t need you to part the sea for us, just get off our backs for awhile. Let nature take it’s course. It looks like You’ve kind of moved Your vengeance to the Dodgers lately anyway. We’re totally cool with that. I mean, leaving Brooklyn, pffft, what was THAT, am I right?

I hope You finally consider our penance paid, it sure feels like it is. If you can put a little magic into Soria’s arm when it’s on the operating table, it would be kind of a nice gesture. Anyway, thanks for reading the blog, that is if you exist. If You don’t, well then….

Dear Vishnu……

Nick Scott